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Archive for the month “March, 2013”

Our Dark Secret (part 4)

“lice… Alice!” She jumped up and stared straight in Sarah’s worried eyes. She was laying in a living room on an uncomfortable brown sofa. She felt a stinging pain in her hear and her back was hurting because of the uncomfortable position she was in. “What…” “You passed out on my steps.” Sarah gave an abrupt answer and stubbornly tried to evade her gaze. “You’re awake now, so you can leave.” Alice looked at her in surprise. “But, Sarah…” She didn’t finish her sentence. “Why did you even come here anyway? I thought we made a deal… No, you promised!” She released a deep sigh from her lips. Alice started. “I had to talk to you.” “Ok, talk.” Alice tried to catch her eye, but Sarah looked straight ahead. “How are you doing?” For a moment Sarah looked up. There was doubt in her expression at first, but in a split second it changed to anger. “Look if you’re here to talk about birds and bees you would do well to leave right now! I don’t want…” “I just want to know how you’re doing!” This time Alice was the one to interrupt her, a little bit more forceful than she had intended. She tried to regain her calm again when she saw Sarah’s indignant expression. “I just want to talk to you. We never had the chance for that when…” She stared at the floor.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You know perfectly fine what I’m talking about! It was no dream Sarah, it was real. And we are the only ones who know it.” Sarah looked away. “I’m doing fine. After 14 long years I’ve gotten over it and I’m doing perfectly fine. Is that what you wanted to hear?” There was an uncomfortable silence. For a moment Alice didn’t know how to respond. Her eyes wandered through the living room. It was a big house. The furniture was obviously expensive and the decorations were suitable for a rich person, Sarah obviously being one of them. But there was something missing. In the room there was no sign of something personal. Not one picture or a souvenir from a far away journey. There was no sign of life in the house except for their presence. It was empty. “Is that all?” Sarah asked impatiently. “Look, I know we don’t know each other that well, Sarah. But we can’t just forget about each other. We have to be there for each other, even now.” “I don’t have to do anything! My life is perfectly fine without you and it has been for 14 years.” Alice looked confidently at her.

“Your life is not fine.”

“Yes, it is.”

“No it’s not. Look at where you are right now. You’re all alone and you’re what, 35?

“32. And how do you know I’m alone? What if I tell you my husband will come home in 20 minutes?” Alice tried to hide her chuckle. She silently hoped that she hadn’t misjudged Sarah.

“Well is he?” Sarah looked away and started blushing a bit.

“Well… No. But you can’t possibly know that! Besides, there’s nothing wrong with being alone!” Alice looked serious again. She looked her straight in the eyes.

“For God’s sake Sarah, it is wrong for you! You deserve more!” She forced a smile on her face. “I remember when I first saw you. It was dark, everyone was depressed and gloomy. I was hungry and even at that age I already felt like giving up on life. Then you were there, the only person laughing. Who on earth would laugh in that situation? You made me laugh. You helped me through it, you protected me with your life. You’re a great person and that’s why you deserve more than what you have now.” Sarah looked up with dry tears in her eyes.

“What do you want to hear from me? You’re right, I’m not okay. Everyday I have nightmares about that day. Whenever I think of what I did I start shaking. I can’t connect with people like I used to… But I don’t need you to remind me of that again! You’re the last person I need right now!” “Well I need you!” Alice screamed. A tear rolled from the corner of her eyes leaving a trail along her cheek. “I have nightmares and I do need you. But apparently you changed. I’ll go then.” Sarah looked surprised when Alice stood up. Her stomach started turning and she forced words to come out of her mouth. “Wait!” Silence. “You’re right.” Another long and meaningful silence. Alice sat down on the sofa without making a sound. “Every time I look in the mirror I feel the same. I can’t bear myself. All those things I did…”  Alice put her hand on Sarah’s knee and looked her straight in the eyes. “I never had the chance to thank you. You saved my life that day. You were strong, you showed courage and you kept looking forward. I admired you and for all these years I wanted to be more like you. Thank you.” Sarah quickly looked away. “I had to. You were my reason for living. Without you I’d probably given up.” “But you didn’t.” Sarah showed Alice a hesitant smile. “I didn’t.”

Alice sighed, took a deep breath and looked meaningful at Sarah. “I don’t want to keep it a secret anymore.” Her eyes widened. Before she could respond Alice continued. “I’m going to marry. I love him with all my heart and I just can’t hide it anymore. I kept it a secret until now, because I promised you, but I can’t go on like this. I want you and me both to tell him, because you’re a part of this. You’re an undeniable part of my life, no matter how you look at it.” Sarah’s eyes were focused straight ahead. Her lips were pushed together in a small straight line and moments long it looked as though she didn’t breathe. “No.” Her answer was short and clear. “No. It’s not óur story. It’s mý story. I decide whether we tell it and I say no.” Suddenly Alice got angry. “What do you mean it’s your story? It’s ours! We were in it together, I’m just as much a part of this as you are!”

“No! It’s my secret. It was my father!”

Suddenly there was a silence.

“Your father?” Alice looked surprised.



Read more…


The last view

The sea, that had the orange red gleam of a beautiful sunset over it, stretched out to the very edge of the human sight. The calm and peaceful waves that almost seemed to touch the sun formed a colourful image that could surpass the sensation of the greatest artwork with ease. Never had he dared to describe this feeling. Never had he even dared to dream of the inexplicable sensation that he felt right now. Not even once did he think and realise that he was but a small part of a world of unimaginable greatness. The greatness that he saw in front of him right now. A soft breeze brushed against his cheeks and playfully blew through his long, wild hair. He ignored the cold winter weather, he ignored his frozen fingertips and he ignored the strong, unpleasant smell of his unwashed clothes. He only listened to the soft noise of the sea that was flowing underneath the Golden GateBridge. The sound brought him back to a sunny day way back in his past. Together with his little sister he was playing in the water of the calm river that he loved to visit so much. With a smile on both faces his parents watched how he splashed water in the face of his sister. Everything he ever did as a young boy, he wanted to share with his beloved little sister. That river was the place where he as a tough older brother stood with his arms in his side and a wide grin on his face, staring into the distance balancing his one foot on a smooth rock and his other foot on an old shoebox that was holding his newest catch. Usually this was but a small fish or a cute little frog that had swam towards his hands as a result of pure coincidence. The little animal would soon regain its freedom in the rippling river water with the utmost care after being proudly shown to his parents. When at one day, after lots of practice, his little sister caught a fish with the size of a grown-ups thumb, he couldn’t be any more proud. “I taught her that!” He had said with a wide grin on his face. The clear river of his holidays had long been one of his most precious memories of life. It had given him the feeling of freedom and it was his very own symbol for happiness. It was a pure form of happiness, that only a child who knew nothing of the cruelties of life, could’ve experienced and the only one who he wanted to share it with was his baby sister.

With a bitter smile he stared ahead of him. If he had known by then what friendship was, if he had known what it meant to put your heart and soul in the hands of another, he would’ve protected himself from heartache. Friendship. Family. Love. The only thing is meant was fear and pain. With every part of it you give something of yourself away. Something you need to survive. A fragile thing in your soul, you lay it in the hands of an outsider that can easily damage it. ‘I didn’t know.’ He said to himself. ‘If I had known, I would have never…’ He had given the most vulnerable part of himself to his little sister. The sister that was no sister. No family, no flesh and blood. In fact, she was nothing. She had never been more than an outsider that had intruded in their family. A choice that could be undone. Yes, that’s what his parents had called her. Something that could be erased. Delete. That easily. If he had known that his love could bear those consequences, he would never have loved her the way he did. But when he knew, it was too late. When he ran towards the calm frozen river to stop it, it was too late. When he broke free from the arms of his parents to jump in the cold water and pull her lifeless body out of it with all his strength, it was too late. “She is family!” “She is black, you’re our real son.” That was their explanation. That was the reason that they had taken away the life of his best friend and his true love and with her, the most vulnerable part of his soul. Only then he realised how pain felt. Everything in his body screamed, but he couldn’t say a word. His head felt like it was about to explode and he felt his heart break with every simple little thing reminding him of her. That one day, that one minute or that one second in which she stopped breathing had given him the feeling of suffocation and breathlessness for the rest of his life. It had forever taken away the possibility for forgiveness.

The salty scent of the sea brought him back to the present, away from the thoughts he had suppressed so often. The water looked so close that he could almost taste the salty smell, yet it was far enough to think away the sounds of the every day life. The snow had changed the nature in front of him into a beautiful white painting and underneath him the wind caused peaceful soft waves. Behind him he heard the busy monotony of the city with hundreds of cars racing by in an eternal haste. The contrast between the view in front of him and the noise behind him calmed him. The realisation that the world went on in spite of everything felt good. Nothing could cause everyday life to stop even for a moment. The world kept turning, the seasons changed and life went on. He breathed in the fresh evening air and he stared ahead at the sky that was becoming more and more purple. No nothing missed her. The sister that was no sister. Only him. Soon nothing would miss him either. Everything would go away.

The cars drove by and the wind played with his hair again. The high whistle of the wind reminded him of the subtle sound of a violin. If he closed his eyes he could almost feel his hands slide along the neck of his violin and the bow fluently gliding over the over the strings. Classic music for him wasn’t only the beautiful arrangement of sounds forming perfect tension and harmony. The music of his violin brought a sweet calm taste on his lips. It felt as soft as a warm blanket that covered him during the winter times giving him the feeling safety and trust. The music gave him an indescribable feeling of addictive happiness. Slowly he lifted his arms up along his body, he moved his head towards his shoulders and he closed his eyes. His wild hairs were lifted up as he played the soft whistle of the wind on his unseen violin. Painfully slow a tear fell from the corner of his eyes. From afar people could see a young man with an overwhelming passion for music standing at the edge of his existence. He wasn’t well dressed and he looked shabby, but it was the untamed roughness of his appearance and the way he was playing the wind with his hands that made it a beautiful image. The tears on his cheeks, the treasure of a man that can only be shown at the most rare moments were seen from the outside as nothing more than a sign of his passion.

The music embraced him. It felt warm, like the arm of a friend showing him his last sign of the friendship. One last time he had hoped to experience it. If only it had been the friendship and not the love of his sister. One last time he looked at the dark red line in the air that was slowly sinking behind the horizon. Slowly he dropped himself over the edge of the bridge. With a smooth twist he turned up for one last look at the sky. A young woman looked at him with wide opened eyes. Something in her expression reminded him of his sister. His last tears were meant for that woman. In his last moments he wished he could’ve known her. He wanted to care for her and love her. His last moments were filled with regret and compassion for that stranger. Between his lips he whispered his last word. ‘Sorry.’ She couldn’t hear it. His last feelings and the friendship he had never fully experienced were engulfed by the cold waves of the sea.


I took some time to translate the story I wrote for a writing contest 2 years ago. The story is quite depressing, especially for a 16 year old, but I hope I conveyed the feelings in the right way 😛 This story is one that I like more in Dutch, for a change. That’s because somehow the words become much more painful in English. I like the power of the English language, but for these kinds of stories I might prefer writing in Dutch to avoid an overload ^^’

Our Dark Secret (part 3)

Suddenly I was painfully aware of what happened and of how I got here. The only thing I don’t know is why. Why one earth would someone be so cruel? I look at the girl behind me, with who I had to survive the past couple of days. With who I could survive. I try to stop my thoughts from wandering but before I know it, I’m inside the basement. It’s black as the night and the only bit of light we have comes from 3 weak candles that are about to burn up at any moment. We’re with ten. Ages vary from 5 until 50 years old. None of us remembers how we got here or more importantly, why. Day after day we are stuck in this place without water and without food constantly shivering in the bitter cold. The time moves slowly and with every victim the passing of each minute feels like the passing of an extra year. It feels like an eternity that we have to survive in the predominant scent of death. I put all my effort in staying positive and strong. I promise myself that I’m okay. It doesn’t matter if it’s a good day or a bad one. I will absolutely and most definitely be okay. I’m the only one who thinks this. I learn the hard way that if people give up on lie, life gives up on them. I force myself to keep smiling as I see everyone seek heavenly peace, one by one. And I’m still alive and powerless. A fierce pain in my heart awakens me from my thoughts and I realise my smile didn’t work. I protected no one. Except for her. Everything in me screams that I have to keep it like this. I have to protect her. In front of me I see the man from the car. His fist is ready to aim another punch at my face. With effort I surprises my terrible headache and I make place for determination. I have to protect her. I have to protect her. The man lashes out to me en I quickly duck away for his fist. I turn around his arm and step on put my full weight on his feet. A loud scream comes out of his mouth, but I ignore it. He tries to reach for me again, but his pain prohibits him from aiming right. I turn around his back and hit him with my fist. It feels as if I punched a concrete wall. I scream, I hesitate for a moment and he grabs me. His arm is locked around my neck and it squeezing the air out of my lungs. I try to scream, but no sound leaves my throat. Instead I bury my teeth deep into his skin and in the distraction he lets go of me. He quickly recovers but I’m too fast for him. I won’t allow myself to hesitate again. I stay behind him as he tries to turn around. Quick on my feet I follow his movements. He stands still for a second and without a second thought I put all my strength into a kick right between his legs. He bends over in pain and I immediately respond by lifting my foot and pushing his behind causing him to fall over and roll on the ground, cringing from pain. I don’t hesitate for a moment and I grab the hand of the girl. I pull her with me in the direction of the bridge where we came from. People. I have to find those people. I keep on running at full speed with the hand of the little girl clenched in my own. “Stop!” She yells. “You’re hurting me!” I don’t stop. There are more important things in life than pain. Pain is good. Pain is proof that you’re alive. I choose pain over death. More importantly, I chose my death over hers. I want to tell her I’m sorry and I want to explain why I’m doing this, but my breathing is too irregular to squeeze words in between the breaths. In the corner of my eyes I see her crying and shaking, but I don’t have the time to comfort her. Another pain in my side. Why can’t I go faster!? “He’s… Coming… Closer!” Her words are interrupted by heavy breaths and her own sobbing. Shit! I try to run faster. My feet hurt, they start to bleed. I don’t stop. Suddenly I see the crowd of people coming closer. My heart jumps up from relief. I look to my side and show the girl a tired smile. “It’s almost over.” I look forward and start to yell and wave. No one looks up. Suddenly the people seem to disappear into the sky. One by one they go away and I see my salvation disappear right before my eyes. I try to run faster, if I’m faster they won’t all disappear! I think by myself. But my energy goes away. A human can only take so much. The little girl on my hand drops down from exhaustion and the distance between the man and us is becoming dangerously small. I have to go on. I push every bit of strength I have left out of my body and I lift the girl on my back. With my last strength I run to the small group of people left. Everyone of them is wearing black with purple coats. I run straight into one of them and before I know it I’m surrounded by black and purple. “I… Help… We…” While panting I try to bring forth a logical sentence. The man I ran into turns around. My heart seems to stop. My head starts spinning and from desperation I fall to my knees. The man in front of me… Or the thing… It has no face. I’m surrounded by faceless beings. “What’s wrong? Everything okay?” The voice sounds concerned, but I can’t read any emotions. “I… I…” Full of disbelief I keep staring at them. The weight of the girl on my back starts to get to me. She doesn’t seem to notice a thing. “First we were in a basement, we didn’t know where we were, but when we were the only two left there came a man and he brought us to a car and Sarah hit her head very hard and…” Her voice faded away. I was surrounded by nothing but silence and disbelief. The soft wind blew against my cheeks and I felt a sting from all the wounds on my body. I didn’t admit to the pain and I refused to cry. Instead, my head became empty and I stared at the darkening sky. Would someone miss me if I were to die? I imagined my father and mother crying by my grave. They would surely cry, right? I saw a purple and a white rose next to my grave stone. Purple. My colour.

If someone was in danger and one of you was to die, would you sacrifice yourself no matter what? Would you go through fire if you could save someone else? Would you for your best friend, or your mother? More importanlty, would you die for a complete stanger? Despite always being the youngest in a group, I never felt I had to be the one that was protected. (My brother can confirm… to his regret ^^’) I always felt that I’d protect the other instead of me. I’d protect my worst enemy instead of myself. Just because I value another life over mine I guess. But well, anyone can just say something like this. I guess even I’ll never really know what I’d do until the time comes that I actually have to choose. I think by that time, I will be given courage. Let’s just hope that I’ll never have to confirm that xD (Sudden deep thoughts here xD)

The honesty of love

She wasn’t particularly aware of her surroundings when it happened. It was on a normal day when she was wandering across the streets with nothing but her thoughts. She didn’t know where she was going, nor did she really care. The noises of the cars passing by and the excited voices of women chattering about their newest accessories were but a vague sound in the back of her mind, masked by the chaos of her thoughts. The world around her faded as the world inside overruled her being. At that point she stood at the edge of her existence, close to the point of losing herself in endless reflections. At once her thoughts were interrupted when she bumped straight into the person in front of her. She looked up and found herself staring straight into the most beautiful pair of eyes she had ever seen. The clearest blue eyes of unequalled beauty held nothing but the reflection of truth. His black short hair formed a perfect contrast with his pale skin and his near white eyes that were lined with a strong black colour. The moment she looked at him it was as if her heart had stopped beating. The longer she dared to look into his eyes, the easier her words were swept away. No longer could she think of pointless reflections or anything else for that matter. Seconds seemed like ages and her lips refused forming the words that her mind was repeating continuously from the inside. Millions of thoughts raged through her head, both softly and violent, both bitter and sweet. Her focus was gone and all she could do was stare at him in astonishment. A fluttering feeling took possession of her. Where there was once reason, there was now admiration. The man looked her in the eyes, at first surprised, but soon thereafter he showed her his most brilliant smile. He softly rested his hands on her shoulder and let his voice fill up her thoughts. “Don’t worry, I get this a lot…” Before she realised the man raised his hand to the level of his eyes. In a matter of seconds the brightest eyes known to man changed into plain black eyes that were nothing out of the ordinary. With two contact lenses in his hands the man smiled at her. Her breath returned, her heart started beating and a wide smile appeared on her face. “I’m sorry… I was just…” “Don’t worry about it. I’m used to it.” She allowed him to interrupt her. Quickly she mumbled an apology and she walked away trying to hide her rose coloured cheeks. Before she disappeared from his sight she looked back one last time. She smiled. Her mind was clear, her thoughts determined. One can fake superficial things, but one can never fake the honesty in one’s eyes. It wasn’t the colour that had left her in awe. It was the truth she had seen. It was the truth that made her fall in love.


As part of the criteria to become a member on some writing website I needed to write something about a subject of my choice in 250-500 words. Mikee suggested ‘Love at first sight’. Even though I’m really bad at writing about love I accepted the challenge XD It turned out differently than I wanted to, but that’s just typical for me XD I’m pretty proud already that I reached exactly 500 words! (and not more) One time I will write a real love story where you can really feel the love 😀 But first… Let’s keep it at this xD

Our Dark Secret (part 2)

With this picture even I dream of getting lost in the middle *.*

She opened her eyes and stared at the clear blue sky. Her face was tight with her dried tears. She let out a deep soundless sigh as she stared into an empty space. She was still trying to calm her breathing when the face of a little boy suddenly appeared right in front of her face. His surprised blue eyes stared straight at her making her jump up. With a hard smack her forehead hit the boy and she fell back into the grass. The boy grasped his forehead and let out a loud scream, but only seconds later he started laughing. Quickly she forced herself to laugh with him and mumbled an apology. “Doesn’t matter ma’am.” He responded with a bright, wide grin. “But what was wrong with you? You seemed sad.” Her hart skipped a beat. She tried to force a little bit of confidence in her shaky voice, but when she tried to talk, nothing happened. Nothing’s wrong. It was only a dream. Her voice refused to listen to her mind. Millions of thoughts started raging through her mind. All of them at the same time. All of them loud. “Nothing.” She said much more fierce than she had intended. Quickly she softened her voice and tried to look at the boy kindly. She ran her hand through his hair and responded happily. “Don’t worry kid, there’s nothing wrong. Just a bad dream, nothing more.” With big, worried eyes the child stared at her, feeling that there was more going on. He opened his mouth to protest to her, but before he had the chance she heard a woman’s voice calling out for him. He turned around and ran away, but before he was gone he looked at her one last time. “Don’t cry. Laughing is much more fun!” He showed her one last brilliant smile before he disappeared. With a deep sigh she fell back into the grass again. She was surrounded by the sound of playing children, excited parents and barking dogs, but in her head the sound slowly faded. She was left with nothing but her thoughts and memories. She turned to look at the lake next to her in which she saw a perfect reflection of the sky above. A white line of clouds ran through the water ending at the form of an airplane passing by. The water and the sky seemed to blend together perfectly as civilisation was distancing itself from her. Somewhere inside she had the hope to disappear. Somewhere in the middle, in between the water and the sky. To lose her identity, her thoughts and her past somewhere inside. She thought back at how surreal it felt. The only memories she had left came back to her in every dream. The memories she had… Weren’t hers. Not her dreams or her thoughts, simply her interpretations. How she though she would have felt. That was the worst part. The pain she had to suffer through the years wasn’t real pain from her perspective. Somewhere inside her she yearned for it. For her own pain and her own fear. For closure. But there was none. Instead she had to bear another’s burdens. Did she have closure already? She stared at the sky again. A tear fell from the corner of her eyes into the soft grass. Her thoughts weren’t loud and confusing anymore. They didn’t yell through everything creating unstructured chaos in her head, but for once, they were silent. Deep inside she knew what she had to do. She had known for a good 6 years what to do, but she hadn’t dared to. At that moment in the silence of her thoughts she knew there was no point in resisting it anymore. This is why I’m here. She took one more deep breath and pushed herself up against the ground. She patted the grass off her pants and walked towards the houses. Before she knew it she stopped. She stood in front of a big white house. There was no nametag on the door, but she knew she was at the right place. She ignored her shaking legs and took a deep breath. She softly knocked on the door. Almost inaudible. There’s no going back. I have to do this. She knocked again, louder this time. She heard the sound of footsteps behind the door, a key turning the lock around and she saw the door partially open. Her breath stopped. Moments long she stared at the woman in front of her and the woman stared straight back. A long silence. Her eyes filled up with tears and her voice started shaking. Softly she whispered, “Sarah…”. The woman took a deep breath.

“What are you doing here.” Short. Direct.

“I wanted to…”

“Well I don’t. You promised.”



The door was closed in her face with a smack. Tears started running down her face. She couldn’t stop them anymore. She started shaking. Her mind started screaming. Everything was hazy, everywhere was chaos. There was no rest anymore. There was never any rest. Chaos. Since that day there was only chaos. Noise. Thousands of thoughts. She couldn’t think straight anymore, the only thing in her head was a scene that kept repeating. Blood everywhere. Pain everywhere. These weren’t her thoughts. They were possessing her and they took away her breath. Her sight started turning and fading and with a hard smack she hit the ground. She felt the cold steps on her face and everything disappeared. Sarah…

Woohooow 😀 Part 2 of ODS translated and I found out… I think this story is going to be a bit longer then expected, 4 parts isn’t long enough and what I have now is a bit rushed. I want to take my time to let you all feel the same fear of the main character(s) Enojoy ^_^ Oh and a side note: This is my 60th post! *little celebration inside my head* For my 100th post I’m gonna do something special. I have 40 more posts to figure out what, but suggestions are encouraged ^^

Het laatste uitzicht

De zee, die de oranjerode glans van een prachtige zonsondergang over zich heen had, strekte zich uit tot aan de rand van het menselijk zichtsvermogen. De kalme en vredige golven die de zon bijna leken aan te raken veroorzaakte een kleurenspektakel die de sensatie van het mooiste schilderij met gemak kon overstijgen. Nog nooit had hij dit gevoel durven omschrijven. Nog nooit had hij ook maar durven dromen van de onbeschrijfelijke sensatie die hij nu voelde. Nog niet één keer was het bij hem opgekomen dat hij enkel een klein deel was van een wereld van overweldigende grootte. De grootte die hij nu voor zich zag. Een zachte wind streelde zijn wangen en speelde plagend met zijn lange, ongekamde haren. Hij negeerde de kou van de winter, hij negeerde zijn bevroren vingertoppen en hij negeerde de sterke, onprettige geur van zijn ongewassen kleren. Hij luisterde alleen nog naar de zachte ruis van de zee die onder de Golden Gate Bridge stroomde. Het geluid bracht hem terug naar een zonnige dag ver in zijn verleden. Samen met zijn zusje was hij aan het spelen in het water van het rustige riviertje die hij zo graag bezocht. Met een lach op beide gezichten keken zijn ouders toe hoe hij zijn zusje onder spetterde met water. Alles wat hij als jongetje deed wilde hij het liefst delen met zijn kleine zusje. Die rivier was de plek waar hij als de stoere oudere broer met zijn armen in zijn zij en een stoere grijns op zijn gezicht in de verte staarde, balancerend met zijn ene voet op een gladde steen en zijn andere op een oude schoenendoos met zijn nieuwste vangst erin. Meestal was dit slechts een heel klein visje of een schattig kikkertje die met puur toeval in zijn handen was gezwommen. Het diertje kreeg later met uiterste voorzichtigheid zijn vrijheid terug in het kabbelende water nadat het vol trots aan zijn ouders was getoond. Toen op een dag, na veel oefening, zijn zusje een visje met de grootte van een grote mensen duim had gevangen kon zijn trots niet meer op. ‘Ik heb haar dat geleerd!’ Had hij gezegd met een grote grijns op zijn gezicht. Het heldere riviertje van zijn vakantiedagen was lang een van zijn mooiste herinneringen aan het leven geweest. Het had hem het gevoel van vrijheid gegeven en het was zijn persoonlijke symbool voor geluk geworden. Het was een pure vorm van geluk die alleen een kind die nog niets wist van de wreedheden van de wereld kon beleven en de enige met wie hij dat geluk had willen delen was met zijn zusje.

Met een bittere glimlach staarde hij voor zich uit. Als hij toen al had geweten wat vriendschap betekende, als hij van te voren al had geweten wat het betekende om zijn hart en ziel in de handen te leggen van een ander, zou hij zichzelf behoed hebben voor de hartverscheurende pijn. Vriendschap. Familie. Liefde. Het enige wat het nog betekende was angst en pijn. Bij elk van deze dingen geef je iets weg dat van jou is. Iets in jezelf dat je nodig hebt om te overleven. Een kwetsbaar klein ding in jou ziel leg je in de handen van een buitenstaander die je zo gemakkelijk kan beschadigen. ‘Ik wist het niet’ Zei hij tegen zichzelf. ‘Als ik het had geweten had ik nooit…’ Het kwetsbaarste deel in zijn ziel had hij gegeven aan zijn kleine zusje. Het zusje dat geen zusje was. Geen familie, geen vlees en bloed. Eigenlijk was ze niets. Ze was nooit meer geweest dan een buitenstaander, binnengedrongen in zijn familie. Een keuze die ongedaan gemaakt kon worden. Ja, zo hadden zijn ouders haar genoemd. Iets dat weer gewist kon worden. Delete. Zo simpel. Als hij van te voren had geweten dat zijn liefde zo veel invloed kon hebben, had hij nooit van haar gehouden. Maar toen hij het wist was het al te laat. Toen hij naar het rustige bevroren riviertje toe rende om het tegen te houden was het al te laat. Toen hij zich losrukte uit de armen van zijn ouders om in het koude water te springen en haar levenloze lichaam er met alle macht uit te trekken, was het al te laat. ‘Ze is familie. Ze is zwart. Jij bent ons echte zoon.’ Dat was hun verklaring. Dat was de reden dat ze het leven van zijn beste vriendin en zijn grootste liefde hadden weggenomen en met haar, het kwetsbare stukje van zijn ziel. Pas toen kon hij begrijpen hoe pijn voelde. Alles in zijn lichaam schreeuwde, maar hij kon geen woord zeggen. Zijn hoofd voelde alsof het elk moment uit elkaar kon barsten en hij voelde zijn hart opengereten worden door de simpelste dingen die hem aan haar deden denken. Die ene dag, die ene minuut of die ene seconde waarin zij stopte met ademhalen, had hem de rest van zijn leven het gevoel van verstikking en ademnood gegeven. Het had hem voor de rest van zijn leven de mogelijkheid tot vergeving ontnomen.

De zoute geur van de zee bracht hem weer bij het heden, terug van de gedachten die hij zo vaak had weten te verdringen. Het water leek zo dichtbij dat hij de scherpe zoute geur bijna kon proeven, toch was het te ver weg om de geluiden van het alledaagse leven weg te denken. De sneeuw had de natuur voor hem veranderd in een geweldig wit schilderij en onder hem zorgde de wind voor zachte vredige golven. Achter hem was de drukke eentonigheid van de stad, met honderden auto’s die elke minuut voorbij racete in een eeuwige haast. Het contrast van het uitzicht voor hem en de drukte achter hem kalmeerde hem. De realisatie dat de wereld doorging ondanks alles voelde fijn. Niets kon ervoor zorgen dat het alledaagse leven stopte, al was het maar voor een moment. De aarde bleef draaien, de seizoenen veranderden en het leven ging door. Hij ademde de frisse avondlucht in en staarde voor zich uit naar de steeds paarser wordende lucht. Nee, niets miste haar. Het zusje dat geen zusje was. Alleen hij. Snel zou ook niets hem missen. Alles zou weggaan.

De auto’s reden verder en de winde speelde opnieuw met zijn haren. Het hoge fluitje van de wind deed hem denken aan het soepele geluid van een viool. Als hij zijn ogen dicht deed kon hij bijna voelen hoe zijn handen langs de hals van zijn viool gleden en de strijkstok met een vloeiende beweging over de snaren heen ging. De klassieke muziek was bestond voor hem niet alleen uit de prachtige wisseling van klanken die harmonie en spanning konden veroorzaken. De muziek van zijn viool bracht een zoete en kalmerende smaak in zijn mond. Het voelde even zacht als een warm deken die in winter tijden over hem heen gelegd werd en het gevoel gaf van veiligheid en vertrouwen. Deze muziek gaf hem een onbeschrijfelijk gevoel van een verslavend geluk. Langzaam tilde hij zijn armen langs zijn lichaam omhoog, bewoog zijn hoofd richting zijn schouder en sloot zijn ogen. Zijn wilde haren werden opgetild terwijl hij het zachte fluitje van de wind op zijn denkbeeldige viool bespeelde. Tergend langzaam gleed er een traan uit zijn ooghoeken. Van veraf zag men een jongeman met een overweldigende passie voor muziek die boven het water uitsteeg aan de rand van zijn bestaan. Hij was niet bijzonder goed gekleed en hij zag er erg onverzorgd uit, maar juist het ruwe en ongetemde van zijn uiterlijk en de manier waarop hij de wind was aan het bespelen met zijn handen maakte het een prachtig beeld om naar te kijken. De tranen op zijn wangen, de juwelen van een man die alleen op de zeldzaamste momenten gezien konden worden waren van buitenaf niet meer dan een teken van zijn passie.

De muziek omarmde hem. Het voelde warm, bijna als de arm van een vriend die hem voor de voor de laatste keer het gevoel van vriendschap liet aanvoelen. Nog een keer had hij dat willen ervaren. Al was het alleen maar de vriendschap van zijn zus. Nog een laatste keer keek hij naar de donkerrode streep in de lucht die steeds verder wegzakte. Langzaam liet hij zich vallen over de rand van de brug heen. Met een soepele draai richtte hij zich naar boven om nog een laatste keer naar de lucht te kijken. Een jonge vrouw keek hem met gesperde ogen na. Iets in haar uitdrukking deed hem denken aan zijn zus. Zijn laatste tranen waren voor die vrouw bedoeld. In zijn laatste momenten had hij haar willen leren kennen. Hij had van haar willen leren houden en voor haar willen zorgen. Zijn laatste momenten waren gevuld met spijt en medelijden met de onbekende vrouw. Tussen zijn lippen door fluisterde hij nog zijn laatste woord. Sorry. Ze kon het niet horen. Zijn laatste gevoelens en de vriendschap die hij nooit in zijn geheel had mogen werden opgeslokt door de koude golven van de zee.


Hello everyone! Look what I found 🙂 This was the first short story I wrote and actually finished. Before I had written parts of stories, all unfinished. (kinda like now…) I was 16 when I wrote it and it was to enter in a small competition in my town . Only 6 people in total participated, but I was really proud that I won, being the only child to enter. Back then I was also much better at writting in dutch xD Now it takes up all my effort ^^’ I’m still doubting whether I should translate this to english too. On one hand I’m afraid it might take away something of the story but on the other hand I’m curios what it might add to it. Besides… I’m also a bit lazy -,- I’ll think about it xD Tell me what you think!

Our Dark Secret (part 1)

My eyes open and I take a look around me. It’s dark. The dominating scent of wet leather penetrated my nose and I feel a heavy weight leaning on my shoulders, taking away the freedom I have to move. The weight is coming from a child of at least half my age. Her head is leaning against my shoulder where a moist spot has appeared on my shirt. I feel a sharp pain in my side and something wet running down my cheek. Tears? I quickly move my hand along the side of my cheek and I feel pain. I taste a salty, metal like fluid on my lips. Blood. I try to distract myself from the pain and make an effort to focus on my surroundings. The place in which I’m sitting is narrow and leaves little space for me to breathe. The little bit of space we both have is limited by big, heavy objects. Careful not to wake up the child I reach out for one of the objects. Cardboard, squared, heavy. They are boxes. I assume they’re meant for moving something important, but I don’t know what. My current uncomfortable position keeps me from finding out. I try to turn around, careful not to make any sudden movements. With care I lift the child off my shoulder and lay her against one of the boxes. I have a little bit more freedom to move and I manage to partly turn around. I find myself directly facing a window that is carelessly darkened. A thin, black piece of cardboard is taped against the window and a small line of light shines from underneath the lines of duct tape. Quickly I pull the tape away and I find myself looking at a beautiful moving landscape. The sky is coloured in a beautiful orange red and in the distance I can see the lights of a city flicking on one by one. We are on a mountain. Or a hill. Maybe a bridge. All I know is, we’re somewhere high. Beneath us I can see a broad, raging river splitting apart a huge crowd. People are everywhere on both sides of the river. From afar I can’t go so far as distinguishing their faces and all I see is a huge black crowd. Black with purple. Slowly the crowd is moving away from my sight and I see us leaving a bridge on the path behind us. Suddenly it hits me. We’re moving. A car we’re in a car! Quickly I look around to find the driver. A sharp pain in my head cuts through my senses. I have to leave. Everything inside me starts screaming the same thing. My thoughts are flying through my head and I can’t think straight anymore. Without thinking I start to yell and I start banging my fists against the window. A surprised and teary face looks up to me, but I keep on yelling without delay. I have to leave. I have to leave! “Be. Quiet!” The heavy voice of a man. Another pain in my head and my screaming stops. “What should we do?” An anxious voice whispers in my direction and I feel little hands grasping mine in panic. I look at the girl. She’s 8 years max. Her lips are shaking, tears are running along her cheeks en a pair of hopeful yet anxious eyes stare straight at me. Her brown hair is smeared with a mixture of blood and filth. I have the feeling my stomach is turning around and something is telling me to take action, but I don’t know what I should do. Another pain in my head. I cringe and groan from the pain I’m in. Everything in my body hurts. I start yelling again. “Silence!” I hear rage in his voice but I can’t stop myself from groaning. Suddenly I feel the car moving. We make a sharp curve and I bump my shoulder into the sharp edge of one of the boxes. Suddenly the car comes to a stop. I hear the front door flying open and being closed with a hard smack. Not a second later the backdoor flies open and we fall outside together with a couple of boxes. Quickly I try to protect the girl from the falling boxes causing one of them to hit me in the head. Before I get the chance to recover I feel a large hand grabbing my injured shoulder. Without any effort I’m lifted in the air causing me to face the man directly. It’s impossible to try to resist, the man holds me tight with the greatest ease. Since when am I so defenceless? I’m nót defenceless! I’m… I look at my legs and move my eyes along my body. I look like a zombie. What in the hell happened to me!? “Leave her alone!” A small yet confident voice yelled out to the man and I turn my head in surprise. What is she thinking? Don’t do it! That’s… The man throws me aside on a pile of boxes. All alarms in my body are ringing as he slowly walks up to the girl. “Know what is good for you child. Be quiet.” His voice is threatening. Heavy. Quickly I stand up and before I realise what I’m doing I throw myself in front of the girl and receive a hard punch in my face. I spit something out, my head is pounding and again I taste blood on the inside of my cheeks. I stand up. I scream. I keep screaming.

So, I was actually planning on writing the next part of the Path of Power, but I know what to write yet still not How to write it down xD So I was planning on entering in a competition, but stupid me mistook the date to hand the text in -_- So now I have a dutch story of about 4000 words for nothing ^^’ I’m gonna translate it (beause english is more awesome) and instead of PoP (Path of Power) I’ll make this another ongoing story xD Our Dark Secret has 4 parts… Look forward to it 😀 Oh and the picture had the same kinda feel to it as the back of the car, so that was to bring everyone (and myself) in the eerie mood 😛

(Oh yeah, inspiration from my friend Ralu, I benefit from her nightmares… Have some more for me sweety >:D)

The Path Of Power (part 1)

The thing that you want least is the same thing that makes you the strongest. It makes you aware. It keeps you on guard. It drives you to your goals. Fear. This is how he was raised. When he was small it was his greatest weakness, but as he grew up it became his greatest strength. An undeniable part of his existence. It was engraved in his very being. His days and nights were filled with fear. That’s what they taught him. Always be afraid. Never be weak. Strength was the ultimate goal and to achieve this goal, sacrifices had to be made. They had given him comfort and then forced him to survive without. They gave him love, only to take it away. The purest form of pain comes at the time when something precious is lost. At that moment, fear reaches it’s maximum. They needed his fear for power. He needed it to protect.

The first test of power comes at a young age. He was only twelve when it began. He found himself in a forest at night. The cold wind blew against his cheeks and made him shiver to his core. There was no pleasant forest path in front of him, nor was there a safe haven to turn back to. The only thing he had to survive was his head. “Come back with a suitable weapon, or don’t come back at all.” The words of his master rung through his head. That was the test. Without any materials or help one needed to come back with the weapon that would lead his destiny. The greatest of them came back with enormous axes forged from the claw of the great bear. Others came back with small yet quick and deadly knives cut out from bones of the fox. Those who came back with nothing or with something unsuitable were never seen again. The weapon was of great importance, but in itself it wasn’t the true test. The true test was that what he feared the most, because it meant bringing out what was inside of him.

Ok, step one. Find your setting. He was shaking. He didn’t know if it was from the cold or from his fear. Correction. Step one; Breathe. You can do this.

Hello everyone! Someone kindly reminded me that I haven’t written a blog in a while… ^^’ So I thought, lets write a small intro to an ongoing story :p Who doesn’t enjoy curiosity and suspense? O:) Anyway I don’t know how regular the updates on this one will be (I know myself..) but I’ll definitely add a lot of interesting things in there so look forward to it 😀 I’ll continue as soon as I write on my laptop instead of this tiny phone xD

The rant of society

There are these days in your life when you just hate everything! You wake up with a surprisingly big smile on your face and decide to not care about a single thing all day long! Screw you world, I hate you too :D. Does anyone know that feeling? Smiling and being angry at the same time and laughing at your own anger? Here’s a short list of the things I can hate while smiling 😀

The early bird. I love my sleep and there are few who may interrupt it. And just while being in my beautiful dreamland that thing or person or whatever decides to stand in front of my window. No, not two metres to the side, not at that bridge just a few metres away where people can hardly hear you because there are no houses in front of it. No. Exactly, to the freaking centimetre in front of My window. They don’t whisper, no. They make the worst freaking noise humanly possible in front of My Freaking Window. Dear early bird, human, animal or anything that wakes me up when I enjoy the few little hours of sleep that I get. I’d kindly like you to flutter happily into a flying bullet. Thank you 😀

The talker that wants a response. That One friend that keeps talking and talking and talking and picking your brain on everything. Dear friend. I know I have loved you many times, and I will probably love you again… After today. Today you may not expect a single word to come from my mouth so please stop asking for it because I don’t want to hear my voice today and I actually don’t wanna hear yours either but I’ll accept it because I probably love you ^_^’

The one with problems. You start with a simple how are you doing and you get a freaking life history in response with the exact dates that bf#1 said this to you so you dumped him for bf#2 who cheated on you with the guy that would later become bf#3 and #4.5 (it’s complicated) Ok. I think I enjoyed talking to you a couple of times so I’ll suck it up and listen to you, be compassionate and all that. When history class finally ended and you see my twitching pissed off face after an entire day of happy annoyance you quickly run away with a thank you. I don’t want a freaking thank you, I want a ‘what about you?’ or an ‘are you ok?’ But no. That’s too much to ask. Dear troubled person, go to a psychologist. You’ll need one when I’m done with you 😀

The greedy one. I’m not one that likes owing people so I always give them back the amount of money I lent. I hate borrowing money in the first place. If I borrowed 9,50 from you and I only have 10 to give you back. I’m not gonna fuss over the 50 cents. What am I gonna do with 50 cents? Keep it. If I borrowed 8 and I have 10. Keep the change. But if I borrowed 10,50 from you and I only have 10 to give you back, after all those times I let you keep the change, don’t go asking me for freaking 50 cents back. I’ll give it, don’t worry, but from that moment on I’ll be one of the greediest you have ever met! Dear greedy person, I hope you lose your wallet with 50 euro’s in it and never find it back. Maybe a hobo will find it and use it to make something of himself! Whatever he’ll be, he’d be better than you 😀

Ok I don’t seriously mean all this anger and the things I wish unto people. I just felt like ranting. The only thing is I’ve been thinking lately that we’re really living in a selfish community. Individualistic, not caring and so on. I want to make the world a better place, I always wanted that, but sometimes the world is making it very hard. People annoy me, I put up a wall, I annoy them, they raise their wall and so on. How on earth is this going to get better? Anyone suggestions how to improve this society? Where would you start? How can we change the world, little by little?

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