The only thing I hear is my own breathing and the soft noise caused by my hands covering my ears, the sound of blood rushing through my veins. My chest moves up and down at every breath I take. It calms me down. The only thing I see are the dark insides of my eyelids. There’s no light on the outside. Everything surrounding me is dark. I can’t hear anything but myself. I can’t see anything but myself. I can’t even smell or feel anything else but me asides from the cold hard floor and the thick walls of this room. I’m sitting in a small dark room, my room. There are no doors and no windows. The room belongs to no one, only to me. No one else ever came inside and I have never left it. I don’t remember what it looks like outside before I came here, before I made this room for myself. It’s not bad in here, really. Nothing really happens, but that’s ok. Inside nothing can hurt me. Inside of this room it all feels ok. Not good not bad, just ok.
I don’t know what, but something inside me moves me to take my hands away from my ears, so I try. I slowly lift my hands a little and in an instant it all changes. Before I know it I put my hands back. I have to face it. The world is a lot bigger when it’s not just me listening to my own background noise. I take a few deep breaths. One more try. I lift my hands from my ears. I can’t hear my breath as clearly anymore. I can’t hear my blood rushing. I can’t hide inside as much. Wait. Hide? What am I hiding from? I’m in the room. My room. Nothing else can come in. As long as I’m here I’m safe. I don’t really know what’s outside, but something tells me it’s not safe. But here, in here where it’s only me and my thoughts I’m safe. I quickly brush by my cheeks to brush away the tears that haven’t dried up yet. If it’s safe, than why am I closing my eyes? This is my room. Why can’t I just look at it? So I open my eyes. I see a wall. That’s all. Suddenly I’m afraid. My hands start trembling, my legs start shaking. I feel trapped. No doors, no windows. Just a wall. My thoughts burst out and run wild. Something inside my head is screaming to break free. Everything scrambles up. Suddenly the room isn’t empty anymore. The walls come closer and I feel threatened. My room, my safe haven is filled up with questions. Why did I move my hands, why did I open my eyes, why was I crying, why is it dark? All the questions push up to me to for one big threatening question. One I don’t want to hear. One I don’t want to answer.
Why am I here?
As I stand next to a wall I can feel how rock solid it is. Thick cement that was never meant to break down. Why am I here? Who made this room and why am I in it? Is this where I should be right now? What’s outside? Tears are running down my face. I’m panicking. I’m banging my hands against the wall knowing it has no effect. I’m pushing a single thought away as hard as I can, but I can’t avoid it getting more prominent inside of my mind. I wish I had a door.
I sink down to my knees, still shaking. Still confused. I lift my hands up to my ears and I nearly close my eyes again. One last glance and there I see it. It’s a door. It’s not obvious, it’s just as black as the walls around me. I stare for a while, amazed, confused. I stand up. My knees are still shaking, but I take a step. One step in the wrong direction. As I look at the door I become certain of one thing. I’m not ready to open it. Another step back. I can’t. I just can’t go outside yet, it’s too much. Two more steps. It’s too late for me. I know that I’m not gonna walk up there. If I could I would, but the truth is simple. I just can’t. My back hits a wall and I realise I can’t go back any more. I close my eyes and I sit down again. Reality is different from when I was first sitting. I know that there’s a way out, but I decide that inside is better for me. Like I said, it’s not that bad. I can do this…
A soft knock. Heh, I must have imagined that. There’s no way… Again. Louder this time. What’s out there? A third time. I open my eyes again and I find myself looking straight at the door. I know it’s coming from there. I know that I’ll have to look. Another knock. I have to. I don’t know how I can gather up the strength, but I do. I stand up and I walk to the door. I stop in front of it. I’m so close and I don’t even know how I got so far, but that’s it. I know I can’t do it alone and I know that there’s no one inside to help me. This is the closest I’m going to get. The knocking changes. By now it’s more of a bang that’s gradually getting louder. Whoever it is, the door won’t open like that. This is my room, no one else can open it. I lift my hand towards the handle. I grab the handle. It’s cold. Of course it is. It’s room temperature. I breathe in, I breathe out. Am I really going to do this? One more bang. If the banging stops, can I ever do it again? Is it now or never? Do I want to find out? I open the door. The walls crumble.
I’m in a bed. I’m breathing through a tube. A constant beep is telling me that I’m alive. Two arms surround me. The person is shaking and his voice is broken. His eyes are wet with tears. He’s barely able to pronounce his words, but I clearly hear what he says. “Oh my god. Thank God you’re ok. Thank God.”
This story is kinda about someone that’s in a coma and is struggling to find a way out. This person doesn’t know what’s outside, but figures that maybe staying inside is even harder. But this story is not only about a person in a coma, but also for someone who’s stuck behind the walls that he or she created, maybe without even realizing. With a lot of effort this person finally gets to a door to get out, but that last step is just too hard. In the end the only thing it really took was a knock and a small opening to make the walls crumble. So if you’re the person in the room, try and open the door. If you know the person in the room, just try and knock. There’s always gonna be someone out there, now or in the future that’s happy that you did it :). Idealism right there xD.