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Archive for the tag “Fake”

Day 2: How To Forget

There are two trees in particular, right at the beginning of the road, before you enter the small forest. The two trees seem just like all the others behind them, with equally green leaves in the summer and an equal coating of bright white snow in the winter. One would never walk by and stop to consider that something so seemingly insignificant would in fact be a very important part of a forgotten past. Three weeks ago about a handful of people probably walked by with their faces buried in whatever touch screen device they had in their hands at that moment. Those who did look up probably didn’t even notice that something was weird. That the leaves on the trees were rustling more than usual or that the shadows behind the trees were 3 shades darker. That the thin mist around the forest was more than just your casual low hanging cloud, and that it was masking more than just a stray dog or a wild rabbit hopping around. Three weeks ago two shadows materialized out of thin air. They walked out of the forest surrounded by a wall of silence and clothed with exhaustion. Three weeks ago we set our minds to the same simple goal. To forget.

“So, now it’s all over, will we just go back to not knowing each other?”

She had answered with a simple, “Yeah.” I don’t blame her really. Out of the two of us I think she had the hardest time. It didn’t matter who was stronger or faster, once it was dangerous, she would be the one to take the lead. “I can handle this. If I can spare you, I will.” Is what she said. I’m the weak link, I guess. I can’t keep anything in. I don’t keep secrets. That’s just not me. Or at least, it wasn’t.  Sometimes I see her walk by with some of her friends. Catching up, for old time’s sake. Laughing at the little jokes, worrying about the small things. I remember when I used to watch her. Always surrounded by people, always a part of the group. Always laughing and joking around. I remember admiring her smile from afar. It didn’t light up the skies or make flowers grow around her and it wasn’t magical or surreal, but it was quite the opposite. Her smile wasn’t devastatingly attractive, but it was painfully honest. When she laughed she looked like a clumsy 5 year old, but when you heard her laugh, you’d instantly laugh with her. I was perfectly fine with not knowing her at all if only I could just see her smile a couple of times. Now I know her I’m still amazed by her every day. How does she continue, like life has always made sense? How does she forget, as if there was nothing to remember in the first place? How does she keep smiling after years and years of forgotten history and when did her smile stop reaching her eyes? 5 Years have been erased out of the past to make a better future. Things I knew so well, friends I loved so much and a smile I learnt to care so deeply for, all gone for a world that wasn’t much to me. After everything that had happened her smile was the strength behind my every step, because that alone was undying and after one single moment even that faded away.

Three weeks later I felt myself drawn to where it all began, wishing I could go back to the dark cruel world that had become my home. So now I’m here again, staring at two trees, looking like a complete idiot. I see people walking by questioning my mental health and wondering how long a person can stare at a tree before getting tired. I used to come here feeling magic and life drawing me in. Now I’m feeling judgmental eyes puncturing the back of my head. I don’t care, I keep staring. Hoping that some sign comes to me proving it wasn’t all a dream. Not much later the sign comes in the form of a hand touching my shoulder. I look around. “Mia…”

“Hey Leo, it’s been a while…” She smiles at me. We share a long minute of painful silence, both looking back and forth from the tree to each other until Mia breaks the silence. “Let’s sit down and talk for a bit ok?” Without answering I sit down leaning against the tree and wait for her to start talking.  “They just look like trees huh?” She says. “What else would they look like?” I respond with a little more hostility in my voice than I intended. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Push me away.” I look at her. Honesty all across her face, but that’s all. No pain, no suffering. Just life going on.

“Last time I checked you wanted us to go back how it was.” She looks down.

“I’m sorry.” I quickly continue. “I get it, really. It’s just kinda hard sometimes and stuff just seems so easy on your side.”

“It’s not, you know. It’s not gonna get easier anytime soon, I can promise you that. But I guess it’s just better to look at it from the bright side.”

“I can’t. I just can’t. Where’s the bright side in all this? Where do you see the light, tell me because I don’t see it at all!” A small hazy edge appears just in my line of sight. The world starts fading away a little as the haze grows. I find myself looking at her without really seeing anything, as a tear slides down my cheek towards my chin. “I can’t stay strong. I can’t keep laughing. I left my family there, and here… You have people that care for you in this world, but the past I gave up to save them was all I had.”

“Leo!” She puts her hand on my knee. “We went there without knowing what we got ourselves into, but we always knew that at one point we had to go back. I know that it’s hard. I’m struggling too, but you have to try. Smile. A little longer, a little harder. Smile a little wider and a little happier. Smile more, as if you’re happy. Maybe if you keep on trying they start believing it’s real. Maybe after a while you start believing it’s real too.”

I look at her in amazement. She’s smiling at me. Again.

“When did you stop smiling like you did?” She looks surprised. “Mia, what you’re doing isn’t brave. It’s not staying strong. It’s torturing yourself. It’s not dealing with your problems, but it’s stuffing them away. It’s acting for the world but you’re building yourself a time bomb.”

“What should I do, not smile. Let the world know what happened and that I’m not ok? What good does that do, I’m not helping anyone with that!”

“You’d be helping yourself. Something you’re really bad at. I’m an emotional wreck and I can’t keep myself from crying, but you… Let me help you, Mia.”

“No thanks, I’m fine, really.” She stands up. “Don’t worry so much ok, Leo? Look at the bright side and you’ll be fine. I’ll see you soon ok?” She starts walking away, but I quickly grab her hand.

”It’s not me I’m worried about.” For a split second I think I see her crying, but she quickly pulls away.

“I’m here if you need me, Mia. Please take care of yourself.”

As she disappears into the crowd I lean back against the tree again. Her smile wasn’t real. It hadn’t been for the past three weeks. With a shadow over my head I start walking home. When a shiver runs down my spine I look back. Not everyone would see it, but for me it came natural. A cold feeling spreading under my skin gave away a hint and the shadows behind the trees formed the conclusion. Through the thin mist I could see the shadows had become 3 shades darker.

 

 

Day 2: Use the sentence “Her smile wasn’t real.”  

I don’t know why, but getting myself to write something down feels like a tough challenge lately. My mind is just completely blank, so I’m kinda glad that I at least got this far. And hey, there’s even a lesson in here somewhere, next to the whole vague, I don’t know what on earth I’m reading part 🙂  

 

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Identity (2)

Grey in colour

It’s pretty hard to find a picture like this 😮 So I made one myself xD

“Why are we here.” They were walking around in a park. Everywhere around them there was bright sunlight, children were playing and birds were fluttering around. To him it seemed so far away from the prison he had been in for the last few days. He liked the change of pace, but his expression revealed nothing of his thoughts.

“It’s rare for you to ask questions.” She replied to him with another fake smile.

“We’ve been walking around for two hours and 13 minutes without you speaking. That is rare too.”

She chuckled. “Things can change.”

He sighed. He considered replying to her meaningless words. Change. No such thing existed in his world, nor did it in hers. But he saw no use in his reply. Instead he examined her again, as he had done so often already. For once her hair hung loose on her shoulders instead of in a tight bun. Her glasses were replaced by contact lenses and she was wearing white instead of the usual dark colours.

“You look different.” He said monotonously.

“I’m surprised you noticed.” She said. “I’m different when I’m outside of the project.”

“No.” His response was immediate and clear. “You’re not different, you lóók different. Your eyes are the same, but now you’re hiding it.”

She looked up and acted surprised, but it was clear she wasn’t. At this point she was determined to stay in control.

“Why do you know these things?” She asked him with true interest. “Why do you know who I am?”

“Observation.” He said. “Observation can bring a person a long way.”

“Observation is not enough. I’m sure it requires a special talent. Something that was in you from the day you were born. Something that makes you different from the average person.”

“I am no different from anyone.”

“Are you really not?”

His eyes narrowed for a split second, but as quickly as the hint of emotion came, it disappeared.

“Why do you want to know these things?”

She sighed. For a moment it looked as if she was considering something, but he could see in her eyes that things were going exactly as she had planned. It frustrated him, but he held the same expression. The one thing he could have was the control of his own actions. She signalled him to sit down on one of the benches.

“You’re asking me to tell you classified information, Nathan.”

“You are asking me to reveal myself to someone I do not know. My questioning you seems perfectly reasonable.”

“You talked more to me today than the two days before.”

“I speak when I deem it necessary.”

“Why is that?”

“Explain the relevance of your questioning. Do not treat me like an unknowing factor in your investigation while your true purpose was clear from the start. I refuse to be guided along your lines willingly.” His monotonous voice didn’t change, but she could hear that the coldness in it had grown. She knew that he had given her the control she had at that point, and she knew that he was ready to take it back at any point. It bothered her that she had no real control from the start. This was a game of power that she was not allowed to lose.

“This conversation must stay between the both of us.” She said.

“I will decide that after I hear the contents of it.”

She sighed again. “Very well, I’ll tell you what you need to know.”

Hello bloggers ^_^ I’m ashamed of myself… 😦 It’s been a full 24 days since I last wrote something down that made sense and now I finally did it, it’s a vague story that really didn’t add anything to the plot line 😦 At least it’s something though… I hope that the next part of this story will be a bit less vague 😛  Well we’ll see. I think it’s gonna be two blogs on one day for me today, because a lot happened and since I use my blog as a diary… (is that weird?) I’ll have to tell some things ^_^ Until the next blog 😉

Identity

“I am no one. Just an ordinary person with ordinary qualities. You could walk past me every day without turning your head or even realising I was there at all. There’s nothing that separates me from you or from another random stranger.”

“That’s not what I asked”

Their voices were monotonous, emotionless, strictly formal. Both of them were cold in their actions and none showed a hint of inferiority towards to the other.

“Well what did you ask?”

“I asked who you are. What’s your name. What’s unique about you.”

Without flinching he answered.

“Nathan Green. 19 year old male, in my second year of university. I study maths, but that hardly distinguishes me from anyone else.”

“Any hobbies?”

“Why are you asking me this?”

“There’s no need for you to know.”

“I want to know.”

“Any hobbies?”

“I want to know.”

“Answer me or you will be put in confinement again. Last time. Any hobbies?” She tried to take control, but he refused to give it. Every word was stressed, but he remained unimpressed.

“I like music.”

“What kind of music?”

“I’ll go back to my cell.”

“Protective confinement!” She corrected him.

“Prison.” He replied.

He turned his back towards the woman in front of him and he walked back showing as little emotion as when he first arrived.

“How did it go?” The woman turned to her superior and let out a sigh. Without answering she turned to the cup of coffee on her desk and picked it up. Slowly sipping her coffee she turned around the words in her head and thought of the right way to express them. She looked at the superior in front of her. He had small eyes that were hidden behind the big frame of his glasses. He was dressed up in a grey suit with a slightly darker tie. Every inch of his suit was at exactly the right place. Even his hair was brushed tightly back into a perfect model. The only thing about him that wasn’t formal and strict were his eyes that were staring at her, burning with curiosity. Without a word she put the coffee cup back on the table. For a few seconds the only sound that filled the room was the sound of the cup hitting the table and the breathing of the woman and her superior. “He’s very turned to himself. His closed behaviour is predominant. It could be seen as compulsive, but I can’t be sure yet.” The man looked at the floor, considering his next words.

“When will you be sure?”

“I need more time.”

“How long?”

“As long as it takes.”

A sigh was followed by a long silence. She wanted to interrupt it, but she knew it wouldn’t have meaning. He turned his back towards her and looked at the whiteboard. There were pictures connected with lines, everything was surrounded by small notes, yet nothing seemed to add up to form a whole.

“The family wants retribution.” He said.

“We can’t hold an innocent accountable.” She replied.

“We don’t know if he is innocent.”

“Innocent until proven otherwise.”

“Guilty until proven otherwise.” His eyes were strict. There was no way to change his mind. She knew there never was.

“You have one week.” He walked towards the door and left her alone in the room.

One week. She thought to herself. Would it be enough?

The door closed behind her with a soft click. She found him sitting behind the white table examining his hands with great care. He didn’t look up as she sat down on the chair opposite of him but he continued staring at his fingernails. For a few minutes they sat in front of each other in complete silence. Him observing his hands and her observing his expression. He was neither nervous nor relaxed, but rather something in between. Every time she saw him he looked completely neutral. After a long time he turned up his head and he seemed to notice her presence, but he didn’t greet her. Instead he stared directly at the table. Without a word she lifted her right hand from under the table, revealing a black binder. She put it on the table and started taking its contents out. Four sheets of paper, two black and two white. She put the sheets next to each other perfectly aligned in front of him with two black sheets on one side and the two white sheets on the other side. She looked at his expression, but it remained unchanged as he looked at the papers. Then she reached out and pushed one black paper forward, slightly out of line with the other papers. His expression remained completely neutral, but after a few seconds he reached out and pushed the paper back in the line again. She proceeded by pushing another paper to the front again and he repeated his actions emotionless but fast. This was repeated a few times until she stopped and tried to catch his gaze. He didn’t look back but kept staring into a distance instead.

“Why black and white?” She asked him.

“I didn’t choose these.” He replied still without looking at her.

“But why did I choose them?” For the first time he looked her in the eyes. His lips were pushed in a straight line and his eyes stayed as cold as ever, but this time he was observing her.

“Because the world is black and white.” His gaze was steady and penetrating.

“Because it exists of facts and numbers?” She asked

“Yes.”

“There’s nothing more than that. Agreed?”

“Agreed.”

“Black and white. Love and hate.”

“Agreed.”

“Life and death.”

“Agreed.” She paused for a moment.

“Which one do you value more?” She asked him.

“What I value doesn’t matter. The world won’t change it colours.” She showed him a fake smile.

“Your world is black, isn’t it?”

Slowly he leaned in closer to her and copied her fake smile. When he was only an inch away from her face he whispered with a wide grin,

“Our world is black.”

For a moment she twitched. At that exact moment she knew, she could see it in his eyes. He won the upper hand. She stood up and pushed in her chair. She picked up the sheets and put them perfectly orderly back in the binder. He had continued examining his hands as she left without saying a word.

Helloooo World! So the good news is, my exams are finally finished! Which means freedooom 😀 The bad news is… Freedom doesn’t mean inspiration -_- I have never been so bored in my entire life D: (ok that’s exaggeration, but that’s the privilige of being a ‘writer’. I wrote this a week ago. It was supposed to be in Dutch, but somehow I can’t write in Dutch anymore -_- I intend to make a part 2 and end this story with a very unexpecting plot twist 😀 Now only… think of the rest xD One day I’ll finish all my unfinished stories xD One day… Maybe ^^’

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