“So, how are you feeling?”
How am I feeling? The good answer would probably be, I don’t know.
Seriously, the biggest thing I have ever done in my life is so close that my event calendar isn’t even counting down from 2 digits anymore. 4 days. 4!!! Some people only see a number there, but I see the day that marks the start of a different life. I’m so far away from my comfort zone right now that it feels almost surreal. Well, to be honest, my comfort zone isn’t even that big. Zone is way too big a word to describe it. Maybe it’s more of a comfort cabin, somewhere hidden in the quiet place in the woods where I live with my closest friends and family 😀 Ok… I’m getting side tracked xD
Well, this sounds like it’s a bad thing… Well it isn’t. It’s exactly what I was trying to do all my life. Throw myself out there and see what version of myself comes out at the other end. Refusing to stay the same and determined to change for the better. But even though I’m doing exactly what I wanted, what I longed for all my life… I’m scared. Maybe not really scared, but nervous. And sometimes terrified. Other times overjoyed. Ok usually I’m all over the place just like this… My brain right now is just making it very hard for me to pick one feeling at the time.. That’s normal right? After years and years of being at the same place every time, sometimes with short visits to far away places, knowing that you’ll be back soon. I’ve grown used to this. The people I love are here, the people I feel so completely and utterly comfortable with are right here and instead of just looking at this awesome thing I’ve been able to acquire, I look at it saying it’s not enough. I’m leaving everything behind for something new and I don’t even know if I’m going to like it. I’m going to miss my friends and my family so much and I just know that by going away it’s never going to be the same again. First I’ll have to get used to a completely new environment where I’ll have to go through that entire process of meeting, greeting and bonding again from square one. But when I do… I am always going to feel homesick for one place, whether I’m here or I’m there. People that are dear to me will have to get used to missing me because this will certainly not be the last time. What I do has an effect on more people than just me. My family, my church, my friends here, my future friends there… We’re all gonna learn something from this. Of course it will be hard, of course it’s normal for me to be nervous. Heck I’ll probably even have few bad days there being homesick and all. But it’s all gonna be worth it.
How do I know that? I just do. Because having said my doubts, my worries and all of the difficulties out loud, I also realize that what I’m doing has an effect on more people than just me. Not only am I going to help children build a better future for themselves, give them the love they deserve and the happiness they want, I’m showing myself and all the people around me one very important thing in life. If you want something really bad, go get it. Just follow your dreams, fight for it and get it. Anything is possible, but no one ever said it would be easy. If it was easy, it wouldn’t be a boring struggle. The bigger the fight, the better the reward! I’ve always said it’s impossible to change the world by yourself, but it’s not impossible to try anyway 🙂
All the preparations are done. I’ve had 10 injections, I’m bringing 40 pills, I have my visa, my vaccination passport, my normal passport, my flight ticket, my suitcase, my camera, my laptop, some school supplies for the kids, actual experience! *cough* half a lesson teaching English at my old school *cough*, all the addresses I need, all the phone numbers, my common sense, of course my awesomeness and as cheesy as it might sound, I have God going with me 😀 I’m ready! The nerves have to make place for something better now. Excitement!! 😀